My son wants me to watch his son because I did the same thing with his older brother 20 years ago.
First, it felt like my son Daniel was taking advantage of my kindness when he asked me to care for his kid Lucas full-time, just like I did for my older son’s daughter. He had no idea that this plea would start a conversation that would show untapped skills and unanticipated opportunities, which would completely change our lives in ways that none of us could have imagined.
Lightning isn’t supposed to strike the same spot twice, but life often dances to its own booming beats because its pace is so unpredictable. My name is Evelyn, and I thought that the days of having problems that came up out of the blue were over.
Still, I find myself at a well-known fork in the road. In a shy way, my sixteen-year-old son Michael came up to me. He was afraid that his future would fall apart because his girlfriend was pregnant. When her folks found out she was pregnant, they threw her away.
After making things right with her own parents, she moved in with us because she had nowhere else to go. She left her baby daughter behind, though.
Emma’s coming brought with it new responsibilities, like the warm light of a newborn’s innocence. While Michael finished school and started working, my husband Richard and I took care of Emma so that Michael could have some help.
We stuck with it through the tough parts of nursery school and helped out whenever something unexpected happened, like when someone got sick or there were unplanned school events.
Today, though, the main figure is my younger son Daniel, not Michael. Daniel is 35 years old, has two kids, and is married. His new child is a boy named Lucas. I wasn’t ready for Daniel’s request, though, because history keeps coming back to me.
Since Daniel and his wife Laura were excited to go back to work, they asked me to watch Lucas during the day. They thought I would be the best person to help because I had been through this with Michael before.
“I know you did a great job for Michael.” Could you not help us? Daniel asked over the phone, eager but not aware of the difficulties his simple question brought up.
I sighed, feeling both hesitation and love at the same time. Daniel, that was a different time. Also, you’re not a 16-year-old boy by yourself with a child; you’re a married man with a wife by your side.
Daniel’s voice showed a lot of different feelings, but it mostly seemed sad. But Mom, we really need your help. We’re still not happy with the nursery, and Laura’s parents aren’t available. We thought you might want to.
We talked late into the night, slogging through a rough sea of feelings and practical worries. There was no question that I loved my grandson, but things had changed, and so did my ability.
It was a beautiful dance that required careful steps and knowledge of each other’s personal limits and family needs.
I told her, “Why don’t you come over so we can talk about this in person?” Before we hung up, we made plans for them to come over on a certain day.
When they got there, I made sure they knew how much I loved them and gave them a warm welcome.
“I’m not the same person I was when your brother needed me,” I said in a calm but determined tone after we were all settled in and everyone was looking forward to what was to come. I talked about how my current health and age told people what I was.
“Back then, I didn’t have the same physical limits as I do now.” I can no longer pay enough to be a full-time babysitter. The surprise in their eyes told me that they hadn’t given my situation much thought.
I gave Daniel a gentle wave to stop talking. He was probably ready to make plans and ask for things. I’ve given this a lot of thought, and while I can’t help out full-time, I’m still ready to do what I can. I can keep an eye on Lucas two days a week.
I told them to use this time off as a break and use the next few days to find a creche that fits their needs and standards.
There was a long, quiet moment to think. Laura then thanked me, and her eyes got softer, as if she felt a little bad about what she had done. She said she was sorry for the mistake and admitted that they had taken advantage of my desire to help.
Daniel nodded and finally said, “We’ll make it work, Mom,” even though it was clear he was having a hard time getting used to our new situation. Thank you.
I felt better when Daniel and Laura left with a plan, but it didn’t last long because they quickly learned how hard it would be to find a good creche. They were glad I could watch Lucas two days a week, but they weren’t sure what would happen the other three days.
Marianne, my longtime friend, and I were talking about these worries one morning when she cut me off with news that came as a surprise.
Evelyn, why didn’t you speak up sooner? My daughter opened a small creche not far from your house not long ago. It’s great for families like Daniel’s who want a more personalized care setting. Come on over and take a look!”
I was so glad I had planned to go to the nursery that weekend with Daniel and Laura. As I walked through the warm, brightly colored rooms full of happy kids, I saw that the couple was starting to smile and feel more at ease.
When Marianne and her daughter sat down later, I brought up the subject again. “So, this is the place Marianne was telling me about.” Do you not agree that Lucas is in the best possible place?
Laura happily agreed as she held Lucas in her lap. This is amazing. Eva, how did you find out about it?”
As soon as Marianne heard about our situation, she jumped at the chance to help. I’ve known her for a long time. If you look at the bookcases and art on the walls, I told her, “Her daughter Lisa runs this lovely place.”
Daniel looked around in silence for a moment, then turned to face Lisa. How do you deal with the little ones? We really want to make sure Lucas is safe and that he can continue to learn and grow.
Lisa gave a reassuring smile and began to talk about her ideas about early education, which focused on one-on-one care and learning through play. “We think every child is different, and our goal is to make them feel at home while meeting their specific needs and interests.”
As the conversation went on, Daniel’s shoulders started to loosen up. After Lisa was done, he said in a low voice, “Mom, this feels right.” He looked at Laura first, then at me. I think we know how to fix it.
Laura held on tight to me, and her eyes lit up with happiness. Dear Evelyn, thank you. We’re really grateful for this.
As we left the nursery, I felt like I had accomplished something. I had not only been able to speak up for myself, but I had also helped make Lucas feel safe and happy.
Our plan became even more beautiful after hearing this answer. It came from the society and ties I loved.
The days we spent together were full of learning and fun. Lucas and I became closer as his parents became more sure of their abilities.
Lucas and I got used to each other’s routines on the days he stayed with me after a few days. Then I noticed something strange. Lucas was always very interested in the music I played for him, whether it was simple tunes from a kids’ TV show or classical music from old CDs.
And he did more than just listen. His little body moved to the beat, kicking his feet and tapping his hands.
One afternoon, Lucas was playing with some toy instruments I had saved from when I was a music teacher. He was happily tapping on a small piano when his tapping turned into thoughtful, melodic keystrokes. As I watched him, I thought I might have seen the start of a natural talent.
I made up my mind after thinking about how teaching had always made me feel very happy and how much I loved music. “Do you want Grandma to show you how to have fun with music?” I only needed to look at his hungry face to know for sure.
Over the next few months, our singing sessions became an important part of our time together. First, I got him used to a few different instruments, starting with a small piano and some percussion instruments. Lucas was always eager to learn and carefully followed all of his teachers’ instructions. They were proud of how far he had come and told us to keep going.
It wasn’t planned, but classical music was playing while we danced when Laura came to wake Lucas up one night. Lucas was making fun of me and trying to follow my lead. Laura stood at the door and smiled as she watched us.
“Evelyn, I had no idea you were teaching him so much about music and dance!” she yelled when the music stopped.
I laughed and helped Lucas come down from the high he got from dancing. He seems to be good at it naturally, and it’s a pleasure to teach him. Who knows? He picks things up pretty quickly. We might have a growing star on our hands.
There was a tough conversation about caring that turned into a chance that made me love teaching again and gave me the chance to be an important part of my grandson’s growing gifts.
Our shared love of dancing and music brought us closer together and gave me the chance to teach music to a very special student, which was a dream I had given up on a long time ago.
Daniel told my mom, “It’s clear that this worked out well for everyone after seeing the video of one of our sessions. This is how you teach Lucas.” I respect that you were not only his grandmother but also his first teacher in what could become his life’s work.
It became clear through this surprise turn of events and the story of setting limits and finding a balance that speaking up for yourself, especially in family matters, can lead to surprisingly good outcomes.
