Marilyn had no idea that her “deceased” daughter-in-law was the subject of a web of lies that would come to light during a normal pick-up from daycare. When she finds out, it starts a process of hiding, protecting, and finally healing for the family.
I couldn’t help but smile every time I walked into Little Stars Daycare. Today it was the same. It felt like music to hear kids laughing and having fun. There was Lucy, my niece, who makes my life so much better.
Lucy’s face lit up like the sun when she looked at me. She yelled, “Grandma!” and ran at me with her arms outstretched. I hugged her close and put her little arms around my neck.
I said, “Hello, my little star,” with love. “Had a good day?”
“Yes!” Lucy burst out in excitement. She dug around in her bag and pulled out a folded piece of paper. “This is what I made for you!” It was a picture, a bright mix of green and blue paint. Even though the colors were all over the place, I thought it was a beauty.
“That’s great!” I cried out because I liked her art. “Let’s get ice cream.”
A happy nod was given by Lucy. Along the way to the car, she kept talking about her day. But what she said stopped me in my tracks.
“Granny, look! My new dress is clean!” That’s not even paint on it! Daddy got it for me and my mom. We have ones that fit!”
I stopped right there. My heart broke. “Darling Lucy, where is Mommy?” I asked, but my voice was so quiet that you could barely hear it.
There is a blue house where Mama lives. We sometimes visit her on Saturdays, when you have knitting group. Even though she had just sent me a jolt, Lucy replied happily.
I had a lot on my mind as I buckled up Lucy’s booster seat. Lucy was talking happily in the car, completely unaware of the trouble she had caused in my mind. She then said with pride as she held the sloppy painting, “And Mommy helped me choose the colors for the painting!”
I tried to pay attention to the road, but my thoughts were on something else. “That’s nice, honey,” I said without giving it much thought. Even though the trip went on for a while, that last discussion stopped my heart. Did Mom help? How?
Lucy’s voice called me back. “Green is the best color, mom, because that’s the color of the trees and her favorite dress,” she said. What was she talking about when I caught a glimpse of her in the rearview mirror? She had a bright, happy face.
It felt like my chest was getting heavy. Jenny, my son David’s wife, died. Jenny was Lucy’s mother. David was sad about it. It looked bad at the time. He told me that his wife had died soon after giving birth because of health problems. For some reason, it turned out to be a sad time instead of a happy one.
“Grandma, don’t you think we miss her?” Lucy’s simple question woke me up from my dream.
In a voice filled with emotion, I said, “Yes, darling, thank you very much.” It made me think of David’s tears and how, broken and desperate, he had held on to little Lucy. He never moved on or got together with someone else. When Jenna died, she left a hole in our lives that we never thought would be filled.
But Lucy talked about her mother in a way that made it sound like she was still a normal part of our lives. I put more force into my grip on the steering wheel. Was Lucy making up this world to deal with things, or was there something else going on that I wasn’t seeing? I didn’t agree with what Lucy was saying, and it bothered me.
I needed answers badly, but I was scared of what they might reveal. The weight of the unknown weighed heavily on me as we drove toward a truth I wasn’t sure I wanted to face.
The sky looked heavy on Saturday morning, just like my heart felt. I was set on my path. Lucy and David and I said goodbye, and then I sneaked into my car and followed them from afar. As I drove along streets I knew so well but now felt a little mysterious, my hands shook a little on the wheel.
As I turned down the road toward the blue house, I gasped for air. As I parked a block away, my heart was beating fast. That was it. the real time. While I was hesitant, I made my way to the house because I had a strong desire to understand.
A woman and Lucy were laughing and setting up a game on the living room floor. I could see them through the window. When the woman turned, my world changed. Jenna was the right one. Living. I got chills just looking at her because she seemed so real and alive. They felt a wave of sharp, angry relief, but soon after, they felt a wave of treachery. How were they able to do that?
Tears blocked my view as I watched them, a family situation that seemed both normal and impossible. Jenna looked up all of a sudden and saw me standing at the window. When we looked at each other, her excited face trembled.
I didn’t wait for an offer to come in. With a sad voice, I pushed the door open and walked inside. “John, David, what’s going on?”
As it got quiet, the room felt tense and strained. David stood there, with a scared and shocked look on his face. Ask your mom, “Why are you here?” Instead of shock, his voice shakes with fear.
“I think it’s time for you both to tell me what’s really going on,” I said, keeping my voice calm even though my emotions were racing.
David groaned as he combed his hair. Dear Mom, I know this will sound unbelievable, but Jenna and I made a tough choice years ago that we thought was best at the time. His eyes filled with tears as he looked at Jenna.
Jennifer, who is an environmental lawyer, got into a fight with a big company after Lucy was born. As things got hot, threats were made against both her and Lucy. “We just couldn’t take the chance,” David said, his voice filled with fear from the past.
“We thought it would be safest for me to hide and let everyone think I was dead,” Jenna said in a broken voice. “That was the only way to keep Lucy safe and keep working without putting anyone in danger.”
I went from anger and hurt to comfort and understanding. They had lied about their lives to keep their families safe. I did feel left out, but now I could see why in a terrible way.
I mumbled, “I wish you had trusted me enough to tell me.” Years of needless grief were making me feel heavy.
“Mom, we really meant to.” Yes, we did. “But Jenna was safer the less people who knew,” David replied, extending his hand to me. “Of course we were going to tell you.”
As I thought about what they had said, the shock quickly turned into a complex web of sadness and pardon. They made a hard choice because they were under so much stress. Now it was up to all of us to figure out what to do next.
Together, in Jenna’s living room, the shock turned into a cool determination. David told us how we were going to get Jenna back into our lives.
He was cautiously positive when he said, “Jenna will slowly return to the public eye now that the threats have stopped and the case is over.”
She turned to face me with hope in her eyes and said, “We’ll start with small groups.” “Perhaps a family dinner now and then, and then over time, going to bigger family events.”
Nodding showed that I understood how serious their situation was. It gave us a chance to mend the rift in our family that had been caused by years of lies. “I’ll help in any way I can,” I told them, knowing that my role was changing. I would have to help Jenna get from her secret life back into the light of our family and community’s attention.
In the next few weeks, I’ll be taking care of getting our family ready for Jenna’s return. In my explanation, I said why she had to leave and how it had kept Lucy safe. Everyone was shocked by the news, but most of us were glad and relieved that Jenna was living and could come back into our lives.
Jenny was with Lucy while she played in the backyard one beautiful afternoon. Even though it was a normal moment, it was still deep. I joined them by taking Jenna’s hand. In a soft, teary voice, I said, “Welcome back.”
Jenna grabbed me tightly, and her eyes were filled with tears. “Thank you, Marilyn, for being understanding and there for us.”
I could feel that new beginnings were coming because Lucy was chasing butterflies. We could get past the lies and get stronger as a team now that they were out in the open. We would have to be flexible and patient on the way ahead, but I knew that with love and honesty, we could get through anything.
