Having my fourth child taught me that you need to stand up for yourself and remember how valuable you are. I knew that the option would have been much worse, even though I had to pay for the class.
Recently, life has been way too busy. I had a boy named Dylan four months ago. He’s very cute. He joined his three younger brothers. As you might expect, taking care of a baby and three other little kids is both very hard and very rewarding.
Becoming a mother has been the most important thing in my life. My husband George and I talked about whether I should go back to work while we were expecting our first child, Tray. At first, we agreed that I would not work for a year and then return to my job. When the time came, though, I knew I wanted to be a mum full-time.
With each new family member—Tray, our daughter Lily, Justin, Dylan, and so on—we felt even more obligated to take care of our children. With each new baby, I became more determined to raise children on my own.
But when Dylan was born, things changed at home. My wife’s mother started going to our house without telling us. She would say hello, then go into the kitchen and take whatever she wanted, leaving behind dirty dishes. She wasn’t coming to help with the housework or the kids.
This kept happening, and each time it did, I lost my cool.
Something went badly one morning, right after Dylan had a very bad visit with the doctor and got his shots. He was bothersome, and I was having a hard time sleeping.
As soon as we got home, all I wanted was a warm cup of coffee. When I finally got to the kitchen, Dylan’s cot door was open and I heard the usual ‘Hi, dear!’ It was my pleasure to check on everyone.
Because Dylan needed some time to cool down, I went to the kitchen to make myself a coffee. When I got there, I saw that the coffee pot was empty and that I had no more filter coffee. The last cup was sneakily taken by my mother-in-law, who didn’t know I needed it.
I was being irritated as I watched her drink that last sip. Lily stomped into the kitchen right then, taking my mind off of how angry I was getting. “Mom, can we watch Peppa Pig?” she asked.
A grin and a nod helped me hide my irritation as I asked if her boys also wanted to watch. After she quickly ran off, I turned back to my mother-in-law, who left quickly when she sensed the stress.
When George got home, I told him about the problems that wouldn’t go away and asked him to talk to his mum. He told her she had done something wrong, but they didn’t talk about it. Tensions that weren’t being talked about hit a breaking point that weekend.
I didn’t get much sleep that night because I felt like I had too many things to do as a mother. I finally got the energy to make homemade pizzas with my kids.
They were excited about the project and couldn’t wait to eat what they had made for dinner. As dinner time got closer, I put Dylan to bed for a nap so that he could have a good night’s sleep.
When I went back to the kitchen, I was shocked to see that the pizzas were gone. George and his mother were enjoying the rest of the slices in the living room.
I was so mad that I yelled at them to stop eating the kids’ food and went up to them. The way they looked shocked made me even more angry. George tried to make me feel better, but I was too upset to hear him, and it was too late.
I went to our bedroom, shut the door, and began to cry. Was I the only one who tried this? What happened that they didn’t notice how hard things were for me? Lily’s soft knock on the door woke me up from my sadness. She asked her mom, “Mommy, where is our pizza?” out of pure interest.
That’s when my resolve really became strong. For myself and my kids, I had to stand up. Before going up against George and my mother-in-law again, I tried to make Lily feel better. They tried to use the fact that they seemed to care about my weight as an excuse for what they were doing. That was the last blow.
I told them in a strong but quiet voice, “Leave, you two.” After they left, George spent the night at his mom’s house.
Being free of them made me feel so much better. My kids and I ordered pizza, and I made my choice while we all ate. The next morning, I asked my sister to watch the kids while I filed for divorce. I had hidden the divorce papers in an empty pizza box and left them on the couch table. George found them there.
When I told my parents what was going on, they offered their unconditional support. I could focus on getting better and making plans for the future while I was with them. I quickly shook off the tiredness and got ready to face what lay ahead.
I’m proud of myself for standing up for my rights and the rights of my children. It’s important to have self-respect and make hard decisions in order to make your future better. I’ve also taught kids what strength looks like.
If I hadn’t come to this decision, my kids would have grown up thinking it’s okay to not get real love, support, or care from people who say they love you. They know how important they are now, and I’ll make sure they always do.
Lanie went through the same thing I did, but at least my husband didn’t leave me hungry after taking care of our baby and make me wash the dishes.
Five weeks after Lanie had her first child, her mother-in-law also turned her life upside down. MIL made herself a regular resident of their home. Since she wasn’t there to help Lanie and her husband get used to their new role, things went badly very quickly.
