I passed out at a family gathering because my husband won’t help me sleep with our newborn.
The plan was for my husband and I to work well together after we had our first child, but he turned against me. As his behaviour towards me got worse, I was about to leave him when something terrible happened in front of my family and friends. Fortunately, a big change happened that saved our marriage with help from outside sources.
I am 25 years old and my name is Mary. I recently went through one of the most embarrassing and enlightening events of my life. Please let me go back a little distance. My beautiful daughter Tilly and her husband Jake, who is 29 years old, were born three weeks ago.
Sincerely, she is all I care about. Problem is that whenever I ask Tilly’s dad for help, he always says, “Let me relax; my paternity leave is so short.” Our baby needs care all the time, so I’ve had trouble sleeping at night on my own. It’s harder on me than I thought it would be.
Since she was born, Jake hasn’t even watched my sweet angel once, but she only sleeps for an hour at a time! I felt bad about what he did because he had promised that we would both do our fair share of parenting. He has been trying to “help,” but lately it has been at most minimal.
I haven’t been getting enough sleep lately that I often fall asleep while doing the dishes or making food! Last Saturday, though, things went badly and turned things around for both of us.
To celebrate our daughter’s first birthday, we’re having a small party at my mom’s house. Friends and family would finally get to meet Tilly for the first time, which was supposed to be a happy event.
During the party, Jake was seen by everyone. “I needed this paternity leave because I couldn’t imagine how much more exhausted I would have been working AND taking care of the baby,” he told everyone. I was hearing things I didn’t believe, but I wasn’t ready to talk to him about it yet.
My body finally gave out from being too tired to keep going out and socialising. I felt sweaty and dizzy, and all of a sudden it got dark. I passed out there, in the middle of the party.
My family was crowded around me in worry when I woke up. That person who helped me get up gave me a piece of cake and said it would help my blood sugar. Jake made a face as I tried to tell everyone I was okay and just tired.
Even though I wasn’t sure what his face meant, I got the sense that he cared more about his image than my well-being. They were making a big deal out of me even though I told them I was fine. As I was so used to doing things by myself, I tried to brush them off because asking for help seemed strange.
Homeward bound, there was peace. When we got there, Jake lost it because I felt bad about making him look bad. He paced around the kitchen and moaned:
You must agree that this makes me look better, right? People think I’m not taking care of you.
He even asked me what was most important to me since I hadn’t told him before bed. In the morning, he didn’t care about Tilly or me. Instead, he was thinking about how he felt and thought I didn’t care because I went to bed!
“Jake, I’m not here to fight you. It was enough for me to just rest. As I tried to talk to him, my voice was strong but not loud enough. Laughing, he asked, “You don’t get it, do you?” “You go to sleep, and I have to deal with the shame!”
I was so done that I was about to break! Because I was tired and didn’t have anyone to help me, I decided to get my things together and spend some time at my mom’s house. The doorknob did ring while I was packing, so of course I tried to answer it.
When I went to open the door, I was shocked to see my in-laws there. They were serious, and there was a woman with them that I didn’t know. “We need to talk,” my MIL said when she walked in.
She told my husband and me that the woman was a qualified nanny they had hired for the next two weeks. My wife’s mother told me, “She’s here to help with the baby and teach Jake how to take care of her and run the house.”
I was so shocked that I couldn’t answer back! Because they were worried about my well-being and the stress on our marriage, my loving in-laws had planned a full rescue.
It was still fresh in my mind when they pulled out a paper and gave it to me. My eyes grew big when I saw that it was for a fancy wellness vacation! My FIL insisted:
“You’ll be at a spa retreat for a week.” Rest, recharge, and heal. You must possess it.
Like me, Jake was stunned at what was happening. If not more so! Their goal was to get my husband in shape and give me a much-needed break, both physically and mentally.
I was moved by how kind they were, so I agreed right away and went to the retreat. It was a lovely week! Massages, meditation, and, most importantly, getting lots and lots of sleep all helped me get better.
It looked so different when I got home! Jake went through a tough “baby boot camp” with the babysitter. He knew how to change diapers, make healthy meals for babies, calm down picky eaters, and manage sleep schedules!
My spouse’s parents stayed behind to help him. They stressed working together and shared their own struggles as parents when they were younger. When I got back, Jake greeted me with a surprise news and a sincere apology!
“I sold my collection of old guitars to pay his parents back for the nanny and my trip,” he explained. He told me, “I need to pay attention to what’s important.” This move showed how much he cared about our family more than his own needs. It also showed that he was ready to be my dad and my friend.
His parents were not there that night, so we had a long, honest conversation about how we felt and what we expected. Also, we talked about how our family is changing. My in-laws’ help was not only a relief, but it also marked a turning point in our marriage.
Our marriage got stronger because it taught us both—but mostly my husband—how important it is to be responsible, care about others, make sacrifices, and work together. Also, we learned how important it is to help each other.
My in-laws helped me along the way, which made the ending happy, but that doesn’t always happen. The new mother tried to teach the husband in the next scenario a lesson when he didn’t act like a parent, but he used it as a chance to further his own goals, just like my spouse does.
After my husband refused to watch our baby while I showered, I came up with a way to teach him a lesson.
I can so relate to this story about becoming a parent for the first time and wanting even a short time of peace and quiet. Whatever happened before my baby was born two weeks ago is a blur now. Although she’s cute, I haven’t had much time to myself lately since I have to breastfeed my baby so strictly!
What happened when I took a short shower the other day? It was the first time I did it by myself since she moved in. After only three minutes, my partner took our crying daughter to the toilet.
He wants to help, but it seems like the only thing he can do is give her back to me. It looks like his life is still the same. I’m annoyed and jealous of how much he enjoys his long, uninterrupted showers.
I chose to take extra care of myself because I was sick of taking rushed, tense baths. So I called my mother, who is one of the big guns. Simply put, my husband wasn’t pleased when I told him when she came! He was annoyed that I called her just to take a shower. He thought I was being rude.
When I shared my story on Reddit, his reaction caused a lot of debate. There was a lot of help and support for me. Someone commented on how silly my husband’s thinking was: if long baths calm our daughter down, then why doesn’t he bring her along?
Some people wanted to go even further, like locking the bathroom door to keep things private or having a serious talk about who is responsible for what as a parent. I know I’m not the only one going through this because other people also talked about how important it is to set limits and communicate.
This event has caused my spouse and I to start a very important discussion. As we start to move into this new stage, we’re getting better at helping each other. More than just taking a shower, it means being aware of and thoughtful of each other’s needs as we raise our child, which is both a crazy and wonderful adventure.
